I am devastated.

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Just as a warning: this is not going to be a happy or funny post. In fact, it’s going to be a drag.
Some of you might come here, and see the title of this post and think “wow, talk about melodramatic”. Well, I assure you that’s not the case. See- I’ve been battling a severe case of C Diff since July 18Th of this year. If you don’t know what C Diff is, please click here.
As of the 14Th, I had tested negative, but it was a false negative. My doctor ordered more tests because I simply wasn’t getting any better.
I also had a colonoscopy which showed damage to my colon. If you’ve never had a colonoscopy done, count your lucky stars. The cleanse that you go through 2 days in advance is something some medieval torturer cooked up.
The tests came back this morning, and the C diff is back with a vengeance.
Physically, I am ok, I know my body has survived this once, and so it can do it again.
Mentally, I’m a whole nother story. I’ve officially reached the end of my rope. I’m missing out on life. I feel chained to the bathroom, and to my home. I can’t leave without fear of messing my pants. Do you know what that does to a 26 year-old mom? Not sunflowers and strawberry fields, that’s for sure.
I’ve had weight loss, which is good, but certainly not my diet of choice.
I’m tired all the time. The house is a mess. I’ve become very moody. I cry all. of. the. time.
The one bright side to all of this is how awesome my insurance company has been. I’ve had nurses from there call, behavioral health checking in on me (and working with me to find a therapist in my area to help me cope with it), and now I’ve reached my deductible, everything is covered. Yay for Cigna!
I just can’t stop the ‘gloom and doom’ thoughts. I’ve been going through this for such a long time, I no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We’re supposed to leave for vacation soon, but I don’t know how I am going to do it. My life is being ruined by some doctor who failed to treat me properly- and wouldn’t even give me a referral to a specialist when I asked for it.
I am furious, I am hurt. I can’t get past all this. I just don’t know what I’m going to do anymore.
My vent is over for now. Thanks for reading…


Just sittin’ on the dock of the bay…

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While I’m waiting for J to get the pictures of my colonoscopy on here, I thought I’d pass some time with you all.
Since my colonoscopy on Thursday, initial results are showing that I have Colitis. To what degree? Well, we have to wait on the biopsy results, which will be in on the 27th. So I’m here waiting with the rest of you, except my waiting is more in the bathroom.

In the mean time, I’ve done some research on the subject, and it turns out the company that J works for does the printing for the Chron’s and Colitis foundation. Kinda ironic, don’tcha think?

I’m feeling worse as the days go by, and I’m finding less and less to joke about. I was feeling great right after the “cleanse” because nothing was in my system to irritate my colon, so I ate all the junk food I could. We’re talking Big Boy, and even some chili-cheese dogs from my favorite root beer stand. I still don’t have the guts (pun not intended folks) to try to drink any soda pop. I think I’ll stick to water for now. I’m not even tolerating milk well right now, which is a total bummer because I used to drink a gallon a week- all on my own. I love the stuff.

On the flip side, the summer has ended. It looks like fall is here to stay, with the school year about to begin (and it has already for some of you). In my effort to keep my baby a baby, we’re starting her preschool in October. I’ve worked it out with the director, so it won’t be a problem. It also benefits me, just so that I can get on the right medication so I’m not in the bathroom all the time, especially when I need to go pick her up (or take her there for that matter).

I’ve let the house go by the way-side, and laundry is piling up to the max. I have a really hard time bending over to get the clothes out of the dryer- but bless her little heart- M tries to help me as much as she can. She’s had a few meltdowns here and there, but according to her it’s because she “doesn’t want my butt sick anymore”. It just breaks my heart to hear her say that. It’s the last thing I want my 3 year-old to think about.

But while we’re on the subject of M, I took her for her second trip to the dentist this morning. Her checkup went great, and she was such a trooper when they took her x-rays. No cavities were found! I would have taken pictures, but my camera battery has died, and I haven’t made it to the grocery store in months to pick any up. Maybe that will be my chore for tonight. Head to the grocery store!

In other news, I’m going to be having some amazing reviews and giveaways coming up. So please stay tuned for that. Also, my new blog will hopefully be ready soon too. I’ll keep you updated on that front as well.

Well, I hope that fills you all in on what’s going on with my life. I hope this post finds you all well.

Love & hugs,



Thursday Lull.

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Okay, I know this image doesn’t have much to do with this post, but I love it!

It’s that time of the month for us, that ALL of our bills are due (or so it seems).

I hate paying bills.

No, I really REALLY hate paying bills. I’m the CFO in our house, and it’s not fun.

Things aren’t going so well for John’s company, and as of right now we still have a job *thank the stars*. Now our pay could change a little (for the worse) so I’m bracing myself for that.

I know it’s selfish, but I really wanted to take M to Disney World this year (even to FL to see her Grandparents), and it might not happen. It makes me so sad, but we could be so much worse off. I know there are people out there who can’t even afford their home, so I apologize if I offend.

As for me, I think I’m under a little too much stress right now. I haven’t sleepwalked in almot 7 years, but last night at 2am I came downstairs. Thankgoodness John found me, and followed me back up. So weird! I have no clue as to what triggered it though. Ugh, I’m so tired too this morning. I’m ready for winter (and hockey season) to be over with!!


Whoa, where have I been??

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On the shores of Lake Ontario.

How beautiful is this view? Yeah, I took these pictures from my purple Durango. Why? Why not!

Okay, so I’ve been away. I think the last time I had posted was waaaay back in October. My how time flies! I think the main reason I have not posted is, well, it’s still hockey season. M still has twice-a-week practices that we all enjoy. There for awhile, we were doing 3 days a week, totaling 6.5 hours of practice time. A lot for a 3 year-old little girl. I made the executive decision to back her off it. It was an unpopular move, but it looks a lot nicer in my check book. Also, we’ve been sick since Thanksgiving. No kidding here. Even when we went home to NY for Christmas, M ended up in the hospital with a stomach bug. As I write this, I am under a mound of tissues. This afternoon I’ll be picking up my second installment of anti-biotics. Fun fun! Then this past Tuesday, I had an unfortunate accident. I fell down our steep stairs. Ouch. It landed me in the hospital. Not fun. It’s a lesson to be learned though. When you don’t feel right, listen to your body and don’t walk down stairs. It’s not a smooth ride! There’s nothing the doctors can really do for me, except manage the pain. Now, if I could only get Johnny to avoid the bumps in the road when he drives me around town! I’m hoping to be more back to myself (whatever that is) by tomorrow. Yes, Jessica P, I will make it to the Post Office for you tomorrow, “no matter what” (said like the Orbitz lady). I need to get back to my regularly scheduled program of blogging, since it helps me take a moment to myself. I’d really like a laptop (yes, I have about 6 of them upstairs, but I don’t know if any of them are worth the coaster they’ve become) that I can sit on the couch with. Have I mentioned my back hurts?? Oh, boy does it ever. I had to flip my couch over this morning, because my cell phone down the black hole. I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed now.
And Jennifer, thank you for reminding me I still had a blog. I still visit you and Charlotte every day. I hope this blog finds you well. Keep me updated about the new little one! When should I be expecting the new arrival?