Lately M has been sportin‘ some NASTY tantrums. I don’t know whatever happened to the terrible two’s- but let me tell you- it compares NOTHING to three.

The best part? She (mostly) throws them in public. Oh yeah. They make me look like “Mom of the Year” (please note sarcasm).

She chose to throw a big one on Thursday, in our local mall, in front of my visiting in-laws. While daddy was at work. Heh.

Reason?

She wanted me to buy her a martini glass from Hallmark. I, for the obvious reasons, said no.

Yep, I dared to tell my 3 year-old princess that she was NOT allowed to take home the martini glass.

That was my first mistake.

When she decided she was going to give herself a five-finger discount, and head for the door with said martini glass in hand, I tackled her. I quickly returned said glass to it’s rightful place (no, not in my hand with booze in it, but on the shelf). I let her know that it was time to leave the store. And that was my second mistake.

Turns out M wasn’t ready to leave yet, so she took off to the back of the store. Oh, no she didn’t!!

I grab her by the arm in true “Mom of the Year” style and drag her outside of the store. I placed her firmly (yet gently) up against the wall and began explaining to her the mistakes she made with her so-called decisions.

And that’s when the screaming began. And the kicking. And the hitting. Did I mention the spitting? Nope, didn’t think so.

So what do I do in this situation? I grab my kid underarm in true Q-B fashion and I run like
H-E-L-L.
This is a big feet considering I’m a whole 5’2 and M is well over 3′. The kid’s tall for her age. As her pediatrician says “real tall for her age”.

May I remind you that my husband’s parents are also with us, and the car is parked on the other end of the mall, on a different floor?

Yeah, it keeps getting better.

I make it through the mall, and an entire flagship store (through the china department) without knocking anything over. I have talent!! We make it to the elevator that would take us to our exit, and M grabs my 69 year-old black pearl necklace and starts to pull.
Death was imminent.

So I drop her. Turns out, she’s part cat, and lands on her feet. Yay far me!

Who knew?

Now, let me take a moment to explain to you my avaunt guard parenting style. I don’t spank or hit of any kind. I do not raise my voice. I stay calm. I merely try to reason with the beast.

She wasn’t in the mood for reasoning. And sensing that her life was very possibly in danger for the whole “necklace grabbing incident” she takes off. I was nearly out of breath at this point, so again, I grab her arm and literally drag her out to the car. My in-laws climb in, and they’ve had it at this point. My ever-so-saintly mother in law yells at my kid. Yeah, the woman who NEVER blows her lid, did, and with my kid. Oh greeeeeat.
I calmly, and politely let my MIL know that I don’t yell at M. I just show her what bad mistakes she makes- and I call her father. Uh-oh. M heard me and FREAKS out.

“Don’t call daddy- mommy- please don’t.”

For some reason, she is terrified of her father. Don’t know why, because we live by the same rules. Maybe it’s because he’s bigger than she is. And we pretty much are the same height.

Darn you genetics.

John lets me know that he’s at lunch and will swing by home to put some pressure on M. So I toss the keys at my father in law, and they let themselves in.

At this point, M is spitting at me.

So what does a Domestic Debacler do in this instance?

I simply open all the windows and the car doors and leave her in her car seat, while I watch from a safe distance in a lawn chair a few feet from the car. She, thinking like the athlete she is, decides that I am the worst “Mother of the Year” and that I must be punished. And THE way to do that is to hurl her shoes at me. Well, one at me, and the other at the windshield of our SUV.

Look out Cincinnati Reds. I have your new lefty pitcher- RIGHT HERE!

I can’t help but to burst into laughter! She was so mad, it was comical, until she started calling me names. She pulled out the “S” word. Oh yeah. I’m sure she’s caught it around here, but I don’t exactly make a habit of cussing. For her to remember this- well- she’s got the mind of an elephant. So as I was being screamed at that “YOU’RE A “S” MOMMY”, I was nearly falling out of my lawn chair!!

Then John pulled in with a co-worker in tow. Oh yeah, it became a show! But suddenly M turns into a blubbering mess when she sees her daddy. How he has this effect on her, I’ll simply never know.

He brings her in the house and she promptly apologizes to my in-laws and myself. What?!?! How?!?! I haven’t the slightest clue. Ugh.

Then she announces that she’s going to take a nap- and does so- for the next 4 hours.

Which leads me to today. This afternoon, she didn’t want to take a nap, even though she got up at 6am. So the tantrum started. I turned back into the Domestic Quarter-back and ran her tooshie upstairs to bed, where she’s calling me “stupid mommy” over and over. So what do I do? I call daddy. At the mere mention of his name, she starts apologizing. And how does she do it? By saying “I’m sorry for calling you stupid mommy, but at least it wasn’t S%^&!”. Again, inappropriate laughter on my part, which my DH hears on the other line. We’re all laughing at this point.

Good times in the Domestic Debacle household.

So how does the Domestic Debacler handle tantrums? By calling daddy, and laughing.

That’s how.

Meet: George, Henrietta and Roxy!

I just love cool things, especially when they have something to do with aviation. It also helps that we live like 2 blocks from the National Museum of the United States Air Force. Let me tell you, this is one nifty (and huge) place. If you ever plan a trip to the Dayton area, this is a must see. You really need more than one day to go through the museum(s), see the IMAX movies and enjoy the simulators. So if you do come, plan on being here two or more days. You might even catch M and I there (we’re regulars, about twice a week).

The best thing about it is that it is 100% free. Admission and parking. Yeah. Awesome right? They also provide strollers free of charge. Think this is great? Well, it gets even better. The food in the cafe is well priced. M and I can have lunch there, with drinks and come out at around $7. Not bad for 2 people. The food is really good to, and the service is always with a smile. There’s also plenty of space to pack your lunch, and eat it too. The only thing that might set you back a little is the IMAX theater and the large simulator. Not sure on the prices of those, so check out their site for more details.

The main problem that I have with this place is that you have to walk through their gift shop (sneaky-sneaky!) to get to the indoor museum(s). And with a 3 year-old that doesn’t normally go smoothly. We’ve finally gotten to the point where we’ve bought so much stuff from there, that M doesn’t ask for anything anymore. At least until they get their new toy shipments in.

So let me get to the reason I began writing this post. Recently, the NMOTUSAF (thought I’d abbreviate here for ya) held their own “Night at the Museum”. Boy was it crowded! They ended up having a record number of attendees, and broke fire code.

If you have ever been there before, you may pick up your jaw from the floor-now.

I kid you not. We were shoulder-to-shoulder in this place. It was cool, yet scary at the same time. See, we weren’t just in there with tourists. There were aliens among the crowd (okay, don’t hit the “x” in the corner. I’m not crazy, keep reading). Real. Live. Aliens. And their “men in black” chasing them.

(photo credit National Museum of the US Air Force)

It looked like this one needed a break or two. So, M was terrified of these guys. Which let me tell you, my kid is all talk. For weeks she has carried around a little alien doll, that must have been related to the fine gentleman (lady?) above. She loves this thing, but when put face-to-face with a breathing alien, she was having none of it! It cracks me up! So now when we go, she always asks in the parking lot if the aliens are in “her” museum. Love her imagination!

So there were some other not-normal things in the museum as well. Including this little jem:

Yes ma’am, your eyes do not deceive you. This is the OCC Stealth bike. I’m sorry, but I think this is the coolest piece of machinery, since well, the B-22! DH wasn’t as nearly impressed as I was (hang on now- I majored in Aerospace Studies and Military Science in college) so I guess you might not be either, but I loved it. Heh. It’s on my Christmas list.

Because it was so busy, we really didn’t get to see much. We pretty much just went in, and saw M’s “BOMB” (trust me, it’s a whole ‘nother post for a whole ‘nother day).
On the way into the Apollo gallery we got to meet a real-life astronaut (as if they were all fake).

(photo credit National Museum of the US Air Force)

And to finish out the night, we got to swing by the Blue Star Mothers table, and wrote a quick note to our fantastic troops (love you guys!). If you don’t know what these ladies do, take a minute and check out their site. It’s a great organization that John and I have supported in the years past.

So, I guess with the end of this loooong post (if you made it) kudos to you! I hope you take the time to head out to the NMOTUSAF. It’s a great place, family and frugal friendly.

See? Minimal work, big results- for lots of credit.