I am devastated.

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Just as a warning: this is not going to be a happy or funny post. In fact, it’s going to be a drag.
Some of you might come here, and see the title of this post and think “wow, talk about melodramatic”. Well, I assure you that’s not the case. See- I’ve been battling a severe case of C Diff since July 18Th of this year. If you don’t know what C Diff is, please click here.
As of the 14Th, I had tested negative, but it was a false negative. My doctor ordered more tests because I simply wasn’t getting any better.
I also had a colonoscopy which showed damage to my colon. If you’ve never had a colonoscopy done, count your lucky stars. The cleanse that you go through 2 days in advance is something some medieval torturer cooked up.
The tests came back this morning, and the C diff is back with a vengeance.
Physically, I am ok, I know my body has survived this once, and so it can do it again.
Mentally, I’m a whole nother story. I’ve officially reached the end of my rope. I’m missing out on life. I feel chained to the bathroom, and to my home. I can’t leave without fear of messing my pants. Do you know what that does to a 26 year-old mom? Not sunflowers and strawberry fields, that’s for sure.
I’ve had weight loss, which is good, but certainly not my diet of choice.
I’m tired all the time. The house is a mess. I’ve become very moody. I cry all. of. the. time.
The one bright side to all of this is how awesome my insurance company has been. I’ve had nurses from there call, behavioral health checking in on me (and working with me to find a therapist in my area to help me cope with it), and now I’ve reached my deductible, everything is covered. Yay for Cigna!
I just can’t stop the ‘gloom and doom’ thoughts. I’ve been going through this for such a long time, I no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We’re supposed to leave for vacation soon, but I don’t know how I am going to do it. My life is being ruined by some doctor who failed to treat me properly- and wouldn’t even give me a referral to a specialist when I asked for it.
I am furious, I am hurt. I can’t get past all this. I just don’t know what I’m going to do anymore.
My vent is over for now. Thanks for reading…


It’s a true Domestic Debacle.

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Oh dear. We got “paid” this morning. Turns out the cut I mentioned before is really closer to 20%. I had to make humiliating calls this morning, to work out payment plans for our bills. That isn’t the worst of it. We have another cut coming next payday. I think it’s time to get a paying job.

Not only did that happen, but on our *leased* car, the engine light came on. We have to pay $100 just to have the mechanic look at it. The *lease* ends on 3/18. I’m not kidding you. Really, I’m not. Perfect timing, eh?

Disney World is looking further, and further and further away. Just a dream actually.

Now, I’m going to get a little random: Dinner for tonight. Here’s what’s on the menu:
Crock Pot Chicken. I got this recipe from
Here’s what’s in it:
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of celery soup
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
~spray bottom of crock pot with Pam. Mix soups in a bowl. Put chicken in crock pot, and pour the soup over the chicken. Cover and let cook on low 6-8 hours.
I’m serving mine over rice, and with veggies.

I’ll let you know how it turns out.


Thursday Lull.

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Okay, I know this image doesn’t have much to do with this post, but I love it!

It’s that time of the month for us, that ALL of our bills are due (or so it seems).

I hate paying bills.

No, I really REALLY hate paying bills. I’m the CFO in our house, and it’s not fun.

Things aren’t going so well for John’s company, and as of right now we still have a job *thank the stars*. Now our pay could change a little (for the worse) so I’m bracing myself for that.

I know it’s selfish, but I really wanted to take M to Disney World this year (even to FL to see her Grandparents), and it might not happen. It makes me so sad, but we could be so much worse off. I know there are people out there who can’t even afford their home, so I apologize if I offend.

As for me, I think I’m under a little too much stress right now. I haven’t sleepwalked in almot 7 years, but last night at 2am I came downstairs. Thankgoodness John found me, and followed me back up. So weird! I have no clue as to what triggered it though. Ugh, I’m so tired too this morning. I’m ready for winter (and hockey season) to be over with!!