I literally copied all of these from my Facebook feed in one sitting. I have also included myself in this. Enjoy 🙂
Insert dry sarcastic humor:
- The health nut: “EVERYTHING YOU EAT IS WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! And since you’re here, let me share a picture of a photo shopped fitness model that you would surely look like if you’d put down that GMO filled salad and did 300+ burpees like I did this morning before you even got your lazy butt out of bed!”
- The MLM Schemer: “YOU NEED MY STUFF. DID I MENTION IT CURES ALL AILMENTS?!?! YOU KNOW THAT STOMACH BUG YOU JUST POSTED ABOUT?!!? YOU WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN IT IF YOU BOUGHT MY VITAMINS/SUPPLEMENTS/SNAKE OIL/MAKEUP/HANDBAG/JEWELERY! Did I mention I’m having a sale? OR HOST A PAAAAAARTY”
- The vague-booker (otherwise known as the passive-aggressive attention seeker): “I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!” You ask: What happened? They respond: “OMG I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOONE.”
- The sell-out: “#ad #sponsored I went for a walk this morning.”
- The vacationer: “Look at my pictures from last week. Now look at the pictures from today. I’ve been on luxurious vacations all summer, and all I’ve posted are photos of my feet by the pool, ocean, lake, yacht, rocks etc. Don’t you just love my feet?”
- The foodie: “Nothing else matters in life but food. No, really. My last selfie was with a churro.”
- The political junkies: Everything is WRONG with X because they’re YZ.
- The racists: Everything is WRONG with X because they’re YZ.
- The public shamer: They tag everyone/thing/business they want to take DOWN and air their dirty laundry while at it.
- The relationship drama monger: “LADIES NEED 2 STEP OFF MY MAN AND BABY DADDAY.”
- The religious: “Ezekiel 5:10 Therefore in your midst fathers will eat their children, and children will eat their fathers.” SAY WHAT?!
- The UBER PARENT: “See these photos of my kids. DO YOU SEE THIS PHOTO OF MY KID?! They’re totally looking at a rock again!! I have captured it for posterity and will share it with you and I expect you to LIKE it.”
- The selfie addict: “Here’s another picture of me, to go with the one from 10 minutes ago.”
Have I missed any?