I’m not a bad person, I’m just infertile.


I’m constantly asked when J and I are going to have another baby. And by constant, I mean that it happens more than 5 times a week. Mostly at church or my daughter’s school.

I always lie about why we haven’t had another. I tell everyone “Have you met M?”. “She’s a handful herself”. “We just don’t have time or the money to have another right now”.”I just can’t handle more than one”.

I tell this to friends.

I tell this to strangers.

I’ve told this to J’s family members.

I know I’ve been put down for it. I know that my parenting skills have come into question because of it. I mean, if I *say* I can’t handle one- maybe it’s good I don’t have another, right?

But something has made me stop the lying.

Recently, I read this article on the Catholic Exchange.

It broke my heart to read it.

In fact, I broke down crying when trying to talk about it to my husband.

You see, it hurts me to think that MY religion can be so misguided on things.

To be so black and white, without regard for others.

To be so judgmental.

You see- I take birth control.

Oral contraceptive.

Not because I want to, but because I have to.

I have a severe and advanced case of endometriosis. In fact, the only reason M is here is because I was on the pill for such a long time, and finally was able to have the surgery to remove the scar tissue to allow my body to get pregnant. I have the 4 big scars across my abdomen to prove it.

After I had M, my doctor told me my chances of getting pregnant again without the surgery are about nill. Infact, he recommended that I have a hysterectomy as soon as possible because of the damage caused by the scar tissue.

I had just turned 22.

This to me, just wasn’t an option. I was young. I didn’t know what the future would bring.

So I weighed my options.

Go on birth control, and maybe one day I could try the surgery to have another child. So I would just be infertile, with a chance

or be completely stripped of ever carrying my own child. Be permanently infertile.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

As you can probably guess, I’ve chosen to be infertile, with a chance.

I know I’m pumping my body full of chemicals. But I do it, so my family and I have a chance.And no, there aren’t any other “herbal remedies” or “hormones” out there that do the same thing to endometriosis like “the pill” does. Trust me. I’ve tried it all. It doesn’t work, and without a doctor’s care, it’s extremely dangerous.

My husband doesn’t respect me any less for taking “the pill”. He understands it. He was there when I had my surgery. He was there when the doctor told us it would be extremely difficult to get pregnant.

He was also there when I found out a miracle had happened, and we were blessed with M.

I’m not a woman who takes “the pill” with a false sense of freedom. I take my vows very seriously, and love my husband and our marriage with all of my heart.

Our marriage isn’t going to dissolve because I take “the pill”.

Because I take “the pill”, it doesn’t mean I’m against conception.

Infact, it means just the opposite.

But you know what?

You won’t see this in the Catholic Exchange.


Because once upon a time, some MAN said birth control was bad.

And there are enough lemmings in the world to believe it, and make blanket statements just like the Catholic Exchange did.

The one thing they won’t recognize?

The fact that I took “the pill”, and still gave birth to an amazing little human being.

Because in their eyes, I’ve taken “the pill” and that makes me a sinner.

I’m pretty sure Jesus isn’t NOT going to accept me because I take oral contraceptives. I just wish the Catholic Exchange wouldn’t vilify “the pill” like it did without posting something positive about it.

It’s hurtful.

And ignorant.

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  1. (1.) KellyJanuary 19th, 2011
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