Valentine’s Day Sucks if You’re in Preschool.
And no, not for the reason you’re thinking. Valentine’s day with my husband is usually quite romantic and fun.
But this year, with M in school, it’s a whole new ball game.
Reason?
M has a bully (I know, my daughter and I really have something in common this week).
The problem?
The bully is in her class, and Valentine’s day is coming up.
Which means everyone in the class passes out Valentines to everyone else. Or it’s how it should work.
M is really, REALLY against giving her bully a card. In fact, she insisted that they not get one. Why?
“she’s mean to me, mommy”.
Yes, that was the sound of my heart breaking.
The worst part? I teach the class, and I’ve seen this little girl in action. She is mean. And no matter what I do to keep them apart, the bully always seems to make her way over to my kid to drive her insane.
I just have no idea how to handle this. Do I give in, and let M pick who she wants to give a card to
or do I make her give one to ALL of the kids?
This is so frustrating to me, because as an adult, if you don’t want to include someone because you don’t like them well- you just don’t include them. You don’t worry about hurting their feelings.
But with preschoolers, it’s a whole new territory. When feelings get hurt, you can’t run away, and the tantrums SUCK. Plus, I don’t want the teacher’s kid to seem like she can get away with whatever she wants (because the truth is, I’m harder on her than the other kids because I know what she’s capable of, but I’m pretty sure the other parents don’t see this).
So tell me moms, how would you handle this?? I’ve tried putting myself in the bully’s shoes and well, lets say I have no sympathy for her.
But, then again, I have a cold-black-heart…
It’s preschool, she gives out the Valentine’s as per the requirements, she doesn’t have to feel it, just has to deliver it. You never know, they could end up being friends in a few years. It’s only a piece of paper with her name signed to it.
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Katie (or KC as I knew you),
I would make M give a valentine to her bully. First, it was the “rule” for the Valentine’s Day party that each child should give a valentine to every classmate. Second, as an educator, I know that parents of other students do not always understand the circumstances in the classroom, so they may see an exception for your daughter as favoritism.
What you can do to make it a positive experience for M is use it to teach her about how God wants us to be kind to others, even if they are not always kind to us.
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Aargh! The preschool dilemmas! We sort of just went through this with Lil Bits. In order to hand out invitations to her birthday party she needed to invite everyone in class…this was several months ago and, yes, I wanted to invite everyone. But daily Lil Bits came home complaining about C and something he did. (verified by teacher, too)
His mother was lovely upon receipt of the invite, (is he NOT related?) but fortunately as it turned out he wasn’t able to attend…whew! I have to say I was frightened to think of what she might say if he were here.
As for M, I guess the previous commentors are right…I just don’t like the message it’s teaching our kids.
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Who invented stupid Valentine’s cards for kids anyway? UGH!! I hate all of these “you have to do this” things.
We recently changed daycares for our son and I am so happy with how the new place handled the holidays. I really hope they do something similar for each holiday (where you usually give something out).
For Christmas/Hanukkah every child brought in one wrapped book (limit 5.00). What a blessing! You only spend 5 bucks and every child comes home with a new book. Much better than candy, cards, or other junk I would probaby throw away. Some traditions just have to die. This is one of them!!
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I agree that passing out Valentine’s is pretty lame. But even in pre-school we should teach our children to kill bullies and those who are mean and cruel to kill them with kindness. Hope everything works out.
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Hi Katie…You know the old saying “Two wrongs don’t make it right!” You should have M send the Bully a Valentine. Use this as an opportunity to teach your child to be a bigger and better person. Explain to M that she does’t have to like every child in the class but she does have to be fair and follow the schools rules. Ask M how she would feel if she were excluded. This is the perfect opportunity to teach your child empathy. Good luck!
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Sometimes in life we have to do things we don’t want to do and it SUCKS, but we still have to do it. M is going to have to be nice to people she doesn’t like for the rest of her life. And, Deanna is right, it’s a good opportunity for the “bigger person” lesson.
But, mom to mom….It sucks that she has to give her a card. I hate that Bully gets to be mean and in return you daughter has to just suck it up and be nice. Hopefully, this Bully will lose interest in M soon. I am so glad you are there to be able to keep an eye on the situation. We should all be so lucky
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