(Warning: I use mild hatred towards Zhu Zhu Pets in this post. If you’re one of those sheeple who think they walk on water, you might want to skip this post.).

About a month ago, we were one of the lucky families to find one of the ever-coveted Zhu Zhu Pets. We ended up with the little white faux hamster, named “Chunk”.

It should have been named CHUCKY.

M was so excited to get one, and since we weren’t planning on finding one anyway, we went ahead and gave it to her instead of waiting for Christmas. Our biggest mistake was giving it to her in the car, on our hour drive home. But naïve that we were, we couldn’t imagine what kind of damage this evil little rodent could do.

M was nice and happy in her car seat one second, and the next…

she was screaming BLOODY MURDER. All we heard was “MAKE HIM STOP MOMMY, MAKE HIM STOP, GET HIM OFF ME! Of course, J is driving so I look over the back of my seat to see the carnage what the problem was. Turns out Chunky had a huge chunk (haha) of M’s hair in him, and he was still climbing up her hair eating more.

I yell at J to pull over ASAP, and when he does, I jump out and fling her door open. Then it dawns on me, I NEVER READ THE MANUAL, and there IS NO OFF BUTTON!

HOLY $#!& THE ZHU ZHU PET WANTS TO SCALP MY CHILD!!

So I start pulling on her hair, all the while that damned rodent is giggling away. The thing’s wheel keeps turning! I can’t get her hair out!

Then J comes to the rescue with a pair of nail clippers in the front seat, and cuts her hair just above her scalp.

Now if I were a better blogger, I would have gotten video of all this- so sorry about that.

M is crying her eyes out, and tells me she never wants to see Chunk again. The poor girl was terrified! So we make it home, with M weighing less (have you seen her hair?) with no more issues.

Until she finally warms up to it that night and asks for Chunky again.

And what does Chunk do? HE EATS HER FREAKIN’ HAIR. AGAIN.

This time though I’ve read the manual. Stop the wheels with a finger and fight the little bastard by turning them in the opposite direction to release her hair. But, since my kid won’t let me cut her hair, and therefor Rapunzel, it would take at least 3 years to get it out. Again, M gets a haircut.

So Chunk goes in one of those plexiglass boxes for REAL hamsters. Take THAT you possessed vermin!

Needless to say, M only plays with him with her hair pulled back into a bun now.

Now with the drama in the news lately (you know, about them possibly being toxic or whatever) we decided to put good-old Chunky in the garage until we heard more about the situation. And what do you know? M notices he is gone not 2 minutes after I move him to his more secure location.

At least she’ll have something to talk about when she goes to therapy as an adult. Am I right?