Aug312009

I am devastated.

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Just as a warning: this is not going to be a happy or funny post. In fact, it’s going to be a drag.
Some of you might come here, and see the title of this post and think “wow, talk about melodramatic”. Well, I assure you that’s not the case. See- I’ve been battling a severe case of C Diff since July 18Th of this year. If you don’t know what C Diff is, please click here.
As of the 14Th, I had tested negative, but it was a false negative. My doctor ordered more tests because I simply wasn’t getting any better.
I also had a colonoscopy which showed damage to my colon. If you’ve never had a colonoscopy done, count your lucky stars. The cleanse that you go through 2 days in advance is something some medieval torturer cooked up.
The tests came back this morning, and the C diff is back with a vengeance.
Physically, I am ok, I know my body has survived this once, and so it can do it again.
Mentally, I’m a whole nother story. I’ve officially reached the end of my rope. I’m missing out on life. I feel chained to the bathroom, and to my home. I can’t leave without fear of messing my pants. Do you know what that does to a 26 year-old mom? Not sunflowers and strawberry fields, that’s for sure.
I’ve had weight loss, which is good, but certainly not my diet of choice.
I’m tired all the time. The house is a mess. I’ve become very moody. I cry all. of. the. time.
The one bright side to all of this is how awesome my insurance company has been. I’ve had nurses from there call, behavioral health checking in on me (and working with me to find a therapist in my area to help me cope with it), and now I’ve reached my deductible, everything is covered. Yay for Cigna!
I just can’t stop the ‘gloom and doom’ thoughts. I’ve been going through this for such a long time, I no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We’re supposed to leave for vacation soon, but I don’t know how I am going to do it. My life is being ruined by some doctor who failed to treat me properly- and wouldn’t even give me a referral to a specialist when I asked for it.
I am furious, I am hurt. I can’t get past all this. I just don’t know what I’m going to do anymore.
My vent is over for now. Thanks for reading…

8 Responses

  1. (1.) Holly Noelle @ Domestic DorkAugust 31st, 2009
  2. (2.) KristaAugust 31st, 2009
  3. (3.) TinaAugust 31st, 2009
  4. (4.) Becky :)September 1st, 2009
  5. (5.) LuhooSeptember 1st, 2009
  6. (6.) Jennifer YoungSeptember 2nd, 2009
  7. (7.) JenniferSeptember 4th, 2009
  8. (8.) Lori A.September 11th, 2009

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