The Shower pt.1
Yes, I’m writing about this weekend (I know you couldn’t wait for it, could you?).
On Saturday I threw my best friend her baby shower. It was a great, and entertaining time, had by all. Don’t you love when you can sit back in a room, and think “wow, I have nothing in common with any of these people” but still manage to have a conversation with them? Heh. All of these women were career minded (which there is nothing wrong with that at all) which I am not. I find that I am more about my child-which will always come first for me. Now, I’m not saying that moms who work aren’t putting their kids first. Some have to work to support their family. But, then there are the other moms who simply work so they can have all the extras, and there is nothing wrong with that as well. To each her own! But for me, I believe it’s most important to be there 99% of the time for your child when they are young (I say 99% of the time, because I have a babysitter for date nights).
So here’s what set me aback in a conversation with one of these “career moms”. My husband (the wonderful and HAWT man that he is) catered the whole thing (except for my artichoke chili dip- yummmm). He came in, set up and got the hot hor d’oeurves set out during the party so I could talk, mingle and get the games started. So yeah, basically he was super-hubby for the day. The party-goers were singing the praises of my DH’s handiwork and I mentioned that he wanted to go to culinary school. I also said that I would love for that to happen as well -and when the others asked why not- but unfortunately, it doesn’t pay the bills at this time. So this “career minded mom” jumped on me, saying how awful it was that I would “dare to squash my husband’s dream like that, and she would be thrilled to have her husband quit his job to go to culinary school”. She said it loudly. For the whole room to hear. Talk about blushing on my part! So I immediately think- wow- she just made me look like uber-meanie-wife and okay, what kind of world does this lady live in? Oh yeah, she’s an editor for the largest paper in our area and I’m a lowly housewife. They could probably afford for him to not work. For us though, it’s a little different. I pinch my pennies, shop sales and clip my coupons with gusto. I take our $150 grocery bill and turn it into a $50 grocery bill. It’s what I do- to contribute to my family. My husband goes to work to earn a living so that I am fortunate enough to stay at home with our daughter. I would rather do this than have the extras. My idea of an extra is the free Crocs I get. But back to the story… My response to the mom was “well, culinary school also won’t pay for our daughter’s tuition.” ::crickets crickets:: She immediately says (with much smaller volume) “well we’re telling our girls they have to get good grades to earn their own way into college.” The subject was then changed.
Honestly I don’t even know what to think about this situation. Does a two-income working mom not understand the sacrifices a one-income family has to make? I feel a little embarrassed, and I wish I would have said nothing about my husband’s interest in culinary school to these other women. But then again, who knew I would be judged so harshly? I’ve never seen such judgement from people I hardly knew, and at a baby shower of all places. Clearly I didn’t fit in with any of them as I am only friends with the guest of honor…
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Yikes. I have yet to experience that kind of CRAP, but I hope to handle it with dignity like you did. Keep coupon clipping and raising your Beautiful M!! You are doing a wonderful job. Remember, supporting your hubs doesn't mean making his every dream/wish come true. It is so much more than that! It is working TOGETHER to raise a happy healthy child in your case.
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I second that ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Except, I can totally see it happening. I've been on both sides of the fence now. I stayed home with DS for a year and a half because I wanted to. I got some interesting comments here and there, but never anything that rude. Why do people discount SAHM's as not being a real job. Sure, you have a little more freedom in your day, but YOU ARE WORKING! And, taking care of babies is HARD WORK.
We made sacrifices that some people would not. I had no problems doing that, but some people do.
DH and I decided that I would go back to work last year. Mostly a financial decision, but I also needed to for myself. I struggled with bad PPD for a long time. I just wasn't the perfect mom that I thought I would be (everyone here is laughing, right?). It is working out better for me and my family for me to be working right now. I've actually had friends comment to me that I seem happier now that I went back to work. Sad for me, but true. My dream is to be a totally happy, perfect SAHM mom who has it all together, but that's just not me. I think I've finally accepted that that's ok.
It just totally annoys me when people get all high and mighty on you. What is good for one family may not be good for another.
So, rock on with your bad self, and that girl is so univited to your next party.
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Wow! That took a lot of nerve on her part. I wonder if she realized how harshly she came across or if that is just her personality? It sounds like you handled it well though. I'm not sure what I would have done…I probably would have been speechless and then thought of what I should have said later!
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stumbled on to your blog. i love that you wrote this story of your life. I am a stay at home mom and sometimes wish I had a high-paying hobby or part-time job so I don't have to work so hard stretching the paycheck. sometimes couponing and garage sales are fun, but it's my role in the family so that i'm able to stay at home. I miss the "extras" of two incomes, but it's worth it to me, and that makes the difference. anyway, thanks for sharing.
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Now Katie, don't you know this women was just jealous that your husband had a dream. Her's is probably some bum who couldn't be bothered to lift a finger in helping his wife prepare a smashingly successful baby shower!
You are not a mean wife because you don't let your husband go to culinary school. You and he have decided that your daughter comes first, in front of any career plans that either of you might have.
I worked while my husband went to school (all the way through his doctorate) and it was the right choice for us, but we didn't have kids and I had one of those "high-paying" jobs. If we had kids at the time, there is no way we'd put our needs in front of theirs in such a way.
And she probably makes too much money to qualify for financial aid. Hope her girls are smart!!! And her paper doesn't fail!
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wow. I thought we moms all have a tacit agreement to reserve our judgments on other moms to quiet whispers? this lady totally broke those rules!
or maybe, we could reserve our judgment all together? Now wouldn't that be a refreshing shock!
Good job being sweet and direct to your new "friend."
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